The Good Life-Learning, Loving, & Living Now

One of the most challenging, yet rewarding things that I have ever done is teaching my children. I am so blessed to be able to stay home with my children and teach them.
Some days, I just want to stay in bed, curl up in my covers, and sleep for just 15 more minutes before the house comes alive. Some days, I seriously feel like pulling my hair out in the midst of our school lesson. But everyday, I am thankful and give praise to God for my four children and for the incredible opportunity that I have to teach them, train them and watch them grow, love and learn.

Some days, I find myself just watching them as they play their games of pretend. I watch as their little minds wander and create.
I watch Baby Girl as she works so hard on her drawing at the kitchen table. I look at the curves of her face, those beaming blue eyes, and that sweet smile. I listen to the "klip-klop" of her dress up heels across the house.

I will miss these someday. I wonder how it is that almost five years have passed since I held her little body so close in that hospital bed, welcoming her into this world and into our family.
I listen to Stone Man as he strums on his guitar and sings a worship song that he has made up. I listen to the voice inside of him that wants so badly to be grown up. I watch as he strums and sings and the look on his face makes me smile; those lips pressed hard together, trying to be serious, pressed so hard to keep himself from smiling.

And yet that same boy, that thinks he wants to be grown up, still comes to curl up in my lap to cuddle. I am so thankful for that.
I watch A. Vox  as he digs in the dirt outside and listen as he calls my name with great excitement; he has found a worm. He loves nature and is so compassionate toward others; bugs included. I listen as he so sweetly plays with his little brother and I remember when he was the littlest brother.

I recall his amazing giggles when he was baby. Can that really be six years ago? Thankfully, he still giggles like that today.
And Baby Boy.....sweet baby boy. He knows that he is the baby. He tells us so at random times of the day with a big smile on his face, "Mommy, daddy, I the baby", as he points to himself.

 And he is, in all ways. He is two years old now. It seems like yesterday that we were introducing him to his older brothers and sister. I love watching him grow and his big personality emerge. I watch as he dances to the music and falls to the ground pretending to be hurt after a vicious sword fight between his hand and the invisible man. I watch as he grows tired from the day and begins sucking on his lip and playing with his shirt sleeve and I wonder how long he will do these things. I watch and soak it up.

My children are getting older. They are going to grow up and no longer need me as much. But isn't that part of my job, to ensure that they are fully equipped to live without my help one day? They are going to get their feelings hurt and as a parent, that is hard to watch. But if they don't get hurt, then have they truly learned what it means to love others. Isn't that also my job?

I absolutely cherish these days. I am not always the best mom, the best teacher, the most gracious or the most patient, but I am their mommy and God has blessed me with an incredible job and purpose in my life; loving my children, sharing the love of Jesus Christ with them, teaching them to love others, showing them what grace and mercy looks like, training them in His ways, teaching them practically how to live, praying for their hearts, and being there when they do get hurt to remind them of Jesus and forgiveness.
I want my children to truly learn what it is to be loved and to love others, as Christ first loved us. I am the person they see the most in their little lives right now.

To be honest, many days, this is very overwhelming to me. I feel the weight of it all because of my immense love for them and my acute awareness of my own sin and failures. Some days, I feel like the worst parent, worst teacher in the world.
In those moments, I pray. I pray, thanking God for my children, thanking God that I get to be their mommy and be home with them and mostly, thanking God for Jesus and the sacrifice He made so that I don't have to carry the weight of my sin on my shoulders.
And the Lord God so very graciously reminds me of His word.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Oh, how I am weak. But my God is strong.

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
-2 Corinthians 5:17

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:8

On my own, I absolutely cannot do this and do it well. But I am not on my own. Sometimes, I lose sight of this when the days are crazy and full and I go into survival mode, just trying to get everything done and everyone taken care of. I am doing it on my own....
...and I am missing all of the joy because of it.

My hearts cry is that I would be present at all times; my heart and my mind; that I would live fully in the moment; that I would have joy in all things and at all times.
I realize that this is no easy task, but I truly long for it and I know that it is possible.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

Where there is thanksgiving to the Lord, there is joy and peace.
-Jenny